Afscheid nemen op je eigen manier. Recht doen aan wie je verloren bent.

Afscheid nemen op je eigen manier. Recht doen aan wie je verloren bent.

 

Heb jij afscheid kunnen nemen op de manier die recht deed aan wat je voor de ander voelde? Kon je zelf actief vorm geven aan het afscheidsritueel? Of overviel alles je als een wildemanrit en had je weinig regie?

Mijn moeder werd kort na haar sterven thuis ingeritst in een zwarte zak en naar het rouwcentrum gebracht. Ik was in shock.

Wilde haar bij ons houden. Ze hoorde thuis. Ik zag wel dat het lichtje weg was. Maar haar huis, haar lieve mooie omhulsel hoorde in haar eigen omgeving.

In de warmte van thuis of in een koud rouwcentrum

Ik lag nog naast haar in bed om de warmte van haar lichaam te blijven voelen. Ineens was daar een grote zwarte auto op de oprit. Vreemde mensen liepen ons huis binnen. Voor mij moest ze bij ons blijven. Dat was mijn manier. Maar er was een protocol in werking getreden. Daarover hadden we het niet gehad. Het overviel mij totaal.

Jouw manier is de enige manier

Ik ken vele verhalen van mensen die geen afscheid hebben kunnen nemen op een manier die voor hun recht deed aan de intensiteit waarmee ze van de ander hielden. Het kan onvermogen zijn waarmee je te maken kreeg. Communicatie liep niet, behoeften lagen anders, manieren van omgaan met verdriet verschilden. Je wilde anderen niet voor het hoofd stoten. Misschien durfde je je ook niet uit te spreken. Of de situatie was toen gewoon zo.

Toch is jouw manier de enige manier voor jou. Jij had een unieke band met de geliefde van wie je afscheid moest nemen.

Het kan alsnog

Als het toen niet kon, afscheid nemen op jouw manier, doe het dan alsnog. Het is helend.

Bedenk welk ritueel voor jou recht doet aan wie of wat je verloren bent. Misschien wil je een brief schrijven en voorlezen in kleine kring. Een afscheidsdiner organiseren. Dierbare plekjes bezoeken met je kinderen. Kaarsen branden, een dagboek schrijven. Samenkomen met vrienden en familie. Een wandeling op het strand maken met je partner en alles vertellen. Een mooi sieraad laten maken. Naar de kroeg gaan met dierbaren en het leven vieren van degene die je zo lief was. Er zijn vele manieren.

Wat is jouw manier?

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